The example is not intended as 'good practice'. It is actually taken from your library of
contributions. Although it does not actually demonstrate deadlock, it does show something that is easily drawn but does not work as intended/expected.
I actually think that it is a reasonable expression of a business process that may occur early in analysis. You have two parallel activities returning state and an activity that is performed subject to a conditions in both of them. I agree that this can be redrawn to fit your implementation and interpretation of the spec BUT I don't think this is a good idea for the process analyst especially when describing the AS-IS state. My idealised view of BPMS-centric design would have the process analyst demonstrating the process design is 'complete' by compiling and simulating the operation ... having to introduce constructs that do not map well to real life (however screwed up) makes it difficult to related the simulation with business operation. We really must avoid the business analyst having to think like a javaprogrammer.
I have read the section 9.5.5.2 many times and cannot derive much sense from it but I will leave it to you experts.
David